By Undead Miss Red
Generally speaking, yoga moms don’t come home with impact bruises. Zumba moms don’t have a cadre of friends who call them by a different name – possibly one implying violence and/or debauchery. And it’s usually frowned upon when PTA moms knock each other down. Derby moms are a breed unto themselves, and the Outfit boasts its share of hard-skating, life-juggling, attending-parent-teacher-conferences-with-rink-rash supermoms. The other moms at school or around the neighborhood can’t believe we play roller derby; we have trouble understanding why they don’t.
I asked the Outfit moms to share the good, the bad and the hilariously awkward moments of balancing derby with parenthood – that time we caught our toddler trying on our mouth guard, or when a little one learned to read and asked exactly what a teammate’s derby name meant. Here are a few of our favorite #derbymomproblems, from some of our favorite Chicago Outfit derby moms….
From Nicomatose’s four-year-old son –
“New bearings, my love. I am putting new bearings on my skates.” “Hi mommy! Putting blueberries on your skates?”
His advice for jammers?
“You need to skate faster! Stop getting stuck in that crowd of people! Otherwise it gets all crazy!”
And while crying at open skate: “Stop dancing, mommy. Stop dancing on your skates. You are EMBARRASSING me!”
Sam EH Shocker’s four-year-old daughter is as busy as we are –
“Mom I have a big wolla derby game tonight, I have to practice.
Pippi Long Smackings realizes that there are unintended side effects to playing roller derby –
Roller derby has certainly brought out my inner truck driver. I was thinking that playing derby would help me take out my aggression on the track, but I found that I swear WAY more at home now than I ever did before! Although I’m happy to announce that I haven’t heard my two year old drop the F-bomb yet, I am starting to wonder if I made the right choice explaining what ‘don’t be a douchebag’ means to my 10 year old!
The Big Lebekski’s four-year-old son obviously gets what we do –
Whenever I’m lifting something heavy my four-year-old, Blaine always says, ‘You are so strong, Mama, because you play roller derby!’
He also sings a song called Derby Girls. It goes like this:
“Derby Girls, Derby Girls, Derby-Derby-Derby Girls! They’re so cute! They’re so sweet! Derby-Derby-Derby Girls!”
He has also said that he wants to marry a derby girl when he grows up, with blue pink or yellow hair.
And we wish him the best of luck with that. Sounds like he already knows all the awesomeness he’d be in for. We already know that Jane Flinch is an amazing woman, but derby helped show her that her kids think so, too –
After seeing me in my first bout, my fourteen-year-old told me I was a badass, but if I ever told anyone he said that, he would deny it.
And my best moment was seeing my wife and kids in their matching Outfit shirts, cheering me on with signs that were the individual letters of my name (F-L-I-N-C-H) that they secretly made the night before the bout.
Ante Madder is a machine, both on and off the track. Her schedule alone proves how much we love this sport, and her family knows it –
4am-6a: Up, run/yoga, shower, dress
6a-7a: Get kids moving and prepped for school
7a-6p: Work, commute, check derby updates, deal with kid issues like doctor appointments, activity scheduling and college preparations
6p-8:30p: Make dinner, touch base with kids, dress for derby, tend to paperwork and bills, and usually a bit more work.
11:30-12:30: Shower, check tomorrow’s to-do list
12:30-4a: Sleep like the dead and start over…
My 16-year-old: Skating tonight?
Me: Yeah, sorry to bug out again.
My 13-year-old: Go, derby keeps you happy.
And finally, Busty Broke’Her has gone from mortifying her teen daughter to watching derby benefit both herself and her children --
My kids were pre-teens when I started playing roller derby. They were embarrassed about it for a long time. When the seasons changed, and it was no longer dark when I left for practice, my daughter (then 13, now 15) would beg: ”Mom, PLEASE do NOT go out IN THE LIGHT OF DAY with your derby clothes on!”
As time went on, and my kids would come to see me play, they got more comfortable with it. Julia thought it was cool to sit with the team at away games. Our teammates made her feel included. She was allowed to come into the locker room for pre-game strategy talks. It gave her a new understanding of derby, her mom, and Team.
My son, 14, will hip check me randomly in the kitchen to see if I counter block or if he can knock me down. We are now are able to relate to each other better around sports in general. He criticizes my play more than anyone. ”Mom, you sucked at that!” ”You should’ve hit her harder,” and the like…I tried to include him by asking him to be my workout “coach”. He loves to make me do pushups at random times…and TRIES to complete.
I love that they see me do something that I love. They also see me struggle with it and work through it even when it hurts or when it is hard. When I say I’m not going to practice, they are the first ones to push me out the door. ”Mom, you will never get better if you don’t go,” or, “Mom, you’re crabby. Go to derby. You need it.”
We do need it. It keeps us both fit and sane, which is good for everybody at home. Thanks to all of our partners and families — they get what we do, support us along the way and motivate us to keep at it. We notice, and we both need and appreciate you. And our littler ones? We’ll regale your prom dates with stories like these someday. Just you wait.
Watch our site for news on Busty Broke’Her’s forthcoming book, Navigating Life, Roller Derby Style.
In their first bout of the season the Chicago Outfit’s Shade Brigade rolled out to the Coachite Skate Center in Roselle, IL, to take on the DuPage Derby Dames. The Outfit had a rough start when Shade blocker *The Apostrofiend, injured her ankle during warm-ups. With no available alternates the Shade continued their pre-bout routine with their minds still set on a win.
At a quarter past six, the first whistle blew. Shade Brigade’s Jenergizer Bunny was paired up against Derby Dame’s Pink Pow Her Ranger. Bunny was lead jammer but was forced to call off the jam as Pow Her Ranger broke out of the pack only seconds after she did. In the second jam, DuPage drew first blood when jammer Beat em’ Tender Hooligan scored four points. The Shade Brigade retaliated in the next jam. Outfit blockers: Celia Coffin, Agony Andy, Jane Flinch, and Lindiana Jones held back Dupage jammer Speed Kate, allowing Outfit’s the Big Lebekski to snag 10 points.
For the next three jams the score bounced back and forth with the teams alternating lead jammers. This came to an end when in the seventh jam Jenergizer Bunny had a 30 point jam against Speed Kate. Shade blocker Sneer and Loathing did not let up on the Dames jammer, knocking her out twice and forcing her to come in the back of the pack both times. Looking like a pack of angry bees in their yellow jerseys, the Shade blockers swarmed around Speed Kate each time she re-entered the pack.
As the first half continued, Shade kept the Dames from scoring while extending their lead. In jam 14, Pink Pow Her Ranger was sent to the penalty box leaving Jenergizer Bunny to score another 25 points. In the following jam however it seemed that the tables would turn when Shade jammer Graves was sent to the penalty box. But Shade blockers Lindiana Jones and Sneer and Loathing only gave Emtropy one scoring pass. The Dames kept fighting. Before half-time we saw an incredible apex jump from Pink Pow Her Ranger during a power jam in the Dames favor. The first half ended with the Shade Brigade in the lead, 119-52.
In the second half the teams remained on the same benches. It seemed DuPage hoped to shake things up by starting at the pivot line. They came out strong and within the first six jams had closed the gap changing the score to 126-73. It was clear that neither side was done fighting when in jam 8 neither jammers the Big Lebekski and Beat em’ Tender broke the pack. A few jams later though Shade jammer Sam Eh Shocker had a power jam and scored 19 pts.
Though DuPage jammers remained aggressive, the Shade Brigade continued expanding their lead. In the final jam the score was 205-102. Shade jammer Graves got lead jammer and let jam go on for the full 2 minutes. The final score was 223-110.
A big thank you to DuPage Derby Dames for hosting us. Be sure to come out to our next home bout this Saturday to see the Shade Brigade take on Peoria Push and the Shakedown go up against Region Rat Rollers.
- Loka in Motion
Q: How did you first become involved in roller derby?
A: I’m a screen printer, and my company, Replica Chicago (a.k.a. REP CHI), started making shirts, hoodies, and merch for The Outfit in 2009. I attended a bout in 2010, and thought it looked like a blast, so I bought some skates and joined The Family later that year. Since I got into The Outfit by way of screen printing, my derby name had to be “Scream Printer”. Read more
As the designated security on the skydeck at the Windy City Fieldhouse, I had the perfect view of the whole bout – while still doing my job, of course.
The Shakedown played first, and while comprised of many new skaters, the team was carefully selected to face the Quad City Rollers. Shakedown emails and practices leading up to the Home Opener carefully picked apart Quad City footage to see their strengths and weaknesses. As the first jam whistle of the bout went off, it was a moment of truth.
Last Saturday was our home opener. The Chicago Outfit’s Syndicate went up against Nashville Rollergirls All stars. Nashville scored 2pts in the first jam but Lola was quick to respond with 19pts in the second jam while Syndicate blockers Joan Ranger, Ivana Schoop, Schocka Conduit, and Kim Mortal held back Britches N’ Hose and kept her from scoring.
The Chicago Outfit Roller Derby—Bout to Benefit the Greater Chicago Food Depository
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CHICAGO, IL – The Chicago Outfit Roller Derby, member of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA), takes the track for their second home bout of the season on Saturday, May 11, 2013.
Doors open at 6:00pm at the Windy City Fieldhouse (2367 W. Logan Boulevard) in Chicago. The double-header kicks off with The Outfit’s Shakedown vs. the Region Rat Rollers at 7:00pm, and the excitement keeps rolling with The Outfit’s Shade Brigade vs. the Peoria Push Demolition Dames.
As a non-profit, volunteer-run, charitable organization, The Chicago Outfit is offering
$2 off tickets with the donation of a food item or canned good at the door. Donations, plus a portion of the proceeds, will go to the Greater Chicago Food Depository.